im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
