and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize