and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
