garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
