Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
