well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
