she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
