I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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