Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
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