So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
