So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
