It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
