you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
