rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
