i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
