We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
