i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
