hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My breasts were aching with rage.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
