i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
