someone threw a dead crab at me
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
