Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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