apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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