Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
