i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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