totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
