Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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