Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
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