I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
