Where is the hickey?
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
