Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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