the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
a search helicopter?!
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
