thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
