I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
