Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
