I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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