i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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