You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
