I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
