he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
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