i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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