it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
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