she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize