Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
