Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
