Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
