Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
where am i from again
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
