That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
