The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
