watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
