Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
