It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
