That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
